Closure. Please tell me you will never love me, that you will never have me and that you will never go out on all ends to stay by me. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. When you’re around, I don’t want you. When you’re gone, you’re all I think about. I want to know whether I’ll see you in a few years, what we’d be like by then.
Tell me you don’t love me.
If I have that then I can salvage something. I can pull together everything that hasn’t been completely gone to waste waiting for something. I could make progress with myself. I could finally see what is waiting out there for me. You’re a rock. I can’t seem to get passed you. I can’t seem to find myself trying to find my out.
Tell me that you will never have me.
Make me cry as if there’s nothing left for me. Run my eyes dry, then maybe all those lucid dreams can stop clouding my vision. Those dreams, the ones where me and you aren’t just that. The ones that plague me, of all times, when I’m not in the right state of mind. That’s where it hurts the most, because I know I can’t deny them. My dreams are a hard place. I can’t seem to find myself wanting to let go.
Tell me you will never go to all ends to stay by me.
Abandon me. Make me feel like I was wasting time. Maybe then I’ll realize how much time was spent, wishing and wanting. I want to know that you spent your time, not giving a worry here, but elsewhere far from where I am. If I knew that you would not try, then maybe I’d start to try. Try to become unlatched from this rock, or this hard place. If I was free, maybe I wouldn’t feel so much pressure.
But I’m stuck. I want the rock to crush me, crush everything. I’d be better off without the dreams, without the wishes. Please tell me you don’t love me. I’d be better of knowing that I could never have you.
